When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
Randomize
