I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
Randomize
