he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
