i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
Randomize
