Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
Randomize
