You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
