i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Randomize
