My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
