A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize
