He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
