1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize
