remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Randomize
