there's paper in my vomit.
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
Randomize