my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
Randomize
