i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
Randomize
