So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
I am spending my child support on dildos
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
She announced her abortion via fbk
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
Randomize
