I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
