I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
Randomize
