if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
Randomize
