Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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