they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
