we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
Randomize
