Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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