I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Randomize
