1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
literally had 100 drinks last night.
I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
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