I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
Randomize
