I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
operation harelip BJ is a go
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
Randomize
