what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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