my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Randomize
