Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
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