He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
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Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
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Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
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