So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
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