Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
