We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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