I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
