The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Randomize
