There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
He has the fingertips of a God
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
