a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
No stitches, just platelets and will power
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
Randomize
