shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
