do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
Randomize
