apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
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He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
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Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
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