You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
