Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
Randomize
