Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
Randomize
