i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
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