Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
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