i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize
