Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
Barsexuality is the new black.
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
Randomize
