Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
