I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
Randomize
