She said her name was "party"
I am spending my child support on dildos
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Randomize
