just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
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