that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
Randomize
