i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
Randomize
