Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
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