How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
The best walk of shames are on the highway
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