I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
Randomize
