woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
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