So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
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