You made me cry and you don't even care
That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
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