Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
