Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Randomize
