....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
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