took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
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i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
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